No Regrets
by Haikyuu-Sama
Summary: Suga and alcohol have never gone hand in hand and tonight is no exception. Dealing with the loss of his mother, Suga finds himself in a college party, his thoughts tangled. And when he finally stumbles back to his dorm room, his love for his roommate gets tossed into a drunken fight. {Daisuga One-Shot}


No Regrets

There really was no feeling worse than this; Sugawara Koushi was sure of it. His phone slipped from between his pale fingertips and clattered to the carpet with a thud, his eyes wide.

"Koushi? Koushi, answer me!" His sister's voice floated through the phone, tired and raw and angry. Not with him. With herself. "Kou," he heard her sob. "I'm sorry. _I'm so sorry_. Please tell me you don't blame me- I- I need to hear you say it- _please_."

"I don't blame you, Yumi." Suga whispered. He had sunk to his knees beside his cellphone, tears streaming silently down his cheeks. His breath caught in his throat as he held back a sob. "I promise you, I don't... I just- I need to go..."

"Kou...," Yumi took in a deep, shuddering breath. "OK. Call me when you're ready, OK? I'm still here for you. Never forget that."

"I know."

"I love you, Kou... Stay safe..." He heard her voice crack as she sniffled.

"I will...Yumi?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry too." And with that he hung up, pressing his hands to his eyes as he wiped his eyes. But they kept dripping. Soundlessly. Without his permission. He sat up against his bed and wiped his eyes again and again with the cuff of his jersey. This could not be happening. " _Fuck this_." He hissed into the silence of his dorm room. A key in the lock caught his attention and he pressed his face into his tucked up knees as his roommate entered their dorm room, laughing.

"-Sure! See ya, Tooru." He turned, still smiling, and his eyes fell on Suga who was wrapped in his own embrace on the floor, back pressed up against his bed. "Suga?" Daichi closed the door and swiftly knelt down in front of Suga. Suga looked up, eyes red and tear-stained, and sniffled. "What happened?" He reached for the box of tissues on Suga's desk and wiped Suga's eyes as he remained silent. Once Suga's eyes were dry, Daichi sat down properly and watched him worriedly. " _Suga_." He whispered. Suga took a shaky breath. Saying it out loud, especially to Daichi, made it all the more real. But he couldn't leave him in the dark.

"My- my mother- my sister called and- and," a fresh set of tears bloomed in his eyes and he wiped at them hurriedly, frustrated. "I don't know what to do, Dai!" His face was taut with stress and anger, his eyes confused and glassy. Daichi set a hand on his knee, looking directly into his eyes.

"Take a deep breath," Suga did so, trying to relax himself slightly. "I'll go get you a glass of water." Daichi stood and disappeared. He appeared a moment later with a glass of water. He sat back down and handed it to Suga who hadn't moved an inch. Daichi handed him the glass and Suga took it greatfully, sipping at the cold beverage slowly. "Are you calm now?" Suga closed his eyes and took a deep breath as Daichi took the glass out of his hands and set it on his desk. Suga nodded, mostly to himself, and looked up at Daichi.

"I-," he looked down guiltily. "is it OK if I tell you later? I need some time to process it." Daichi looked a little hurt but it quickly disappeared as Suga looked into his eyes. Daichi nodded and ruffled his hair, something that made Suga want to jump him despite the situation.

"Of course."

~o~

Through the day there were many chances for Suga to confide in Daichi. However, he didn't. He didn't confide in anyone. He spent the day roaming around campus, not wanting to be confined to his dorm room, looking ultimately like death itself. Daichi sent him worried looks all day but nothing was said or done and Suga began to contemplate what everyone would in his situation. _'Was it my fault?'_ he asked himself as he sat on the hilltop behind the main building. _'Could I have done something to stop it?'_

"Hey, Suga!" Suga looked up as a freshman ran up to him. A freshmanhe knew all too well.

"Hey, Hinata." Hinata grinned, running a hand through his orange locks. Hinata didn't seem to notice Suga's distress or absence of friends, and simply asked him a question that Suga knew would get him into trouble later.

"Wanna come to Noya's party tonight? It's gonna be super fun!"

"I'm not really in a party mood..."

"Please, Suga? Pretty, pretty, _pretty please_?" Suga sighed. Maybe a party would help get his mind off of things. Suga gave Hinata a weak smile.

"Oh, OK. When is it?" Hinata cheered, pumping his fists into the air.

"At ten at the campus pub. You'll be there, right?" Suga chuckled at his enthusiasm.

"I'll be there."

"Yessss! Oh- Bakageyama! I'll see you there, Suga! BAKAGEYAMA!" Suga watched as he chased down Kageyama who frowned at him as he drew nearer. But Suga saw the small smile pull at his lips as he watched Hinata get pumped up about the party. Suga smiled sadly and checked his watch. _8:23 PM_.

"When did it get this late?" He wondered, looking up at the darkening skies.

~o~

Going to the party had been an extremely good- _bad_ \- idea. He had never drunk so much in his life and yet he felt fantastic. He stumbled back to his dorm room at 3 AM and fumbled with the doorknob, his key missing several times. Finally, Suga stumbled through the door and kicked it shut behind him. He ran a hand through his mussed silver hair and looked around the room, slightly disorentated, and zoned in on Daichi's sleeping figure. He grinned goofily, watching the man that he was undeniably in love with sleep peacefully, one leg sticking out from under the covers, his mouth slightly agape. Suga giggled and stumbled over to Daichi's bed.

"Dai~ Dai~" he collapsed onto the floor beside Daichi's bed and poked at his cheeks happily. Daichi groaned at the contact and stirred. "Daichi~" Daichi's eyes fluttered open and he took in Suga's intoxicated figure slumped on the floor at his bedside. He sat up hurriedly, the sheets pooling around his waist, his torso bare (something Suga noticed all too much).

"Suga! Where have you been?"

"At a-," Suga hiccuped. "a party~" He stood shakily and crawled onto Daichi's bed, snuggling his nose into the crook of his neck. Daichi frowned.

"Suga, you're wasted."

"Wasted-smasted~" He giggled, his hand running up Daichi's torso, trying desperately to reach for his hair and missing. Daichi pulled away, a small blush blooming on his cheeks.

"Suga, this isn't like you." Daichi inhaled. "Are you trying to drink away your problems? Is this about earlier?" Suga's expression turned cold.

"Thish isn't about before!" He slurred angrily. But his eyes were watering through his anger.

"Why won't you tell me what happened?" Daichi asked calmly.

"There's nothing to tell-!" He raised his hand to hit Daichi's chest and Daichi caught his wrist firmly, staring him down.

"Don't you lie to me." Suga struggled against his grip.

"Let go of me!" But Daichi's grip didn't become any looser. He pushed Suga down on to his bed, towering over him.

"Tell me." Suga stared up at him, tears running down his cheeks as Daichi watched him firmly.

"No," he whispered in a small voice. "if I tell you, then it's real. It's all _fucking real_." His free hand rose to thread his fingers through Daichi's locks. "Distract me, _Daichi_." Daichi's eyes widened slightly.

"No way, you're just saying drunken things now. You need to go to sleep."

"I'm not going any where." Daichi rolled off of him and stared up at the cieling.

"Get out, Suga. You'll do something you'll regret." Suga, tears still dripping down his cheeks, rolled over so that he was straddling Daichi.

"I don't believe in regrets."

"Suga- no-,"

"Don't tell me no!" Suga exclaimed, a tear dripping onto Daichi's cheek. "I'm sick and tired of fucking being told what I shouldn't do!"

"Suga..."

"If I told you it would make me feel better- would you kiss me?" He dipped his head a little so that his face hovered above Daichi's and Daichi could smell the alcohol on his breath. "I would do anything for you, Daichi. I'm in love with you and it fucking sucks because I'm too much of a coward to say it sober." Daichi's eyes widened. "But everyone I love slowly starts to leave me," he was crying harder now. "my mother... she died today... and I wanted nothing more than to run into your arms and cry but I had no idea how you felt about me. Hell, I still don't! And it sucks, it really fucking sucks not knowing, Daichi. You're always so close to me and yet so far and- mnn!" Daichi's lips cut him off and Suga felt himself melting into his body. "It was all my fault." Suga cried as Daichi broke away.

"Nothing was your fault." Suga looked down at him through glassy eyes.

"Do it again." He begged quietly and Daichi threaded his fingers through Suga's silver hair, pulling his lips down to his own. Suga's heart hurt like hell. He was finally kissing Daichi but he was a broken mess; tear-stained and intoxicated.

"Don't tempt me anymore than this. I hate taking advantage of you like this." Daichi mumbled against his lips.

"I don't want you to stop." Suga whispered, his eyes sad and desperate. Daichi wrapped his arms around Suga's back and pulled him down, hugging him tightly.

"I have to." Suga peered up at him.

"Daichi-,"

"Shh, just go to sleep." Daichi hushed him gently. Suga buried his face into Daichi's bare chest and fell asleep very soon after, passing out nearly immediately.

~o~

"Suga?" Suga groaned and his eyes fluttered open. His head pounded slightly, but not as much as he would've expected. He was surrounded by warmth which he soon found was Daichi's body, and he blushed fiercely.

"I- I told you everything..." Suga whispered, averting his eyes from Daichi's. " _everything_." Daichi chuckled softly and swept his hair back behind his ear.

"I know it wasn't how you wanted to tell me, but I'm glad you did." Suga looked up at him.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my mother earlier... I just didn't want it to be real..." Daichi's fingertips brushed Suga's cheek.

"It's OK."

"Daichi- I really did mean it, you know? I really do l-love you!" Daichi smiled and pressed his lips against Suga's.

"I believe you. I love you too." The situation with his mother was awful; that he was always going to remember. But Daichi loving him back was countering the situation in a pleasant way, helping Suga come to terms with his mother's death naturally. Daichi was always there. Even we he attended the funeral, Daichi stood with his hand in his and let him cry on his shoulder. Nothing could ever replace the pain over his mother, but he couldn't let that consume his entire life. For now, he would focus on the good memories of her. Not blaming himself or his sister, none of that. He would focus on the happy times. And the happy times to come. With Daichi. His significant other. His everything.


End file.
